Most of you see me on social media and even in person, and like every human being on this earth, we create assumptions before we actually get to know the person. We evaluate them from head to toe, we try to make sense of their personalities through attributing causes we deem closest to their being. Well, as a human myself, there’s no doubt that I do the same. So I asked around for people to describe how they view me. Nobody went in deep but they all more or less described me as; I can be distant, that I seem like somebody who has been through hell and back, some even went on to admit my first impression seemed unfriendly but once they got to know me they realised I’m actually sweet, that I seem so happy and my life’s pretty interesting etc. We all see what we want or what makes more sense to us. This way we build up how exactly we can incorporate this person/thing in our lives or how to kindly let it slide by. Now after how I’ve been described, I can agree that yes, I am a distant person and yes I’ve been through the most. Yes I am happy and yes my life’s one interesting roller coaster. BUT in my opinion, we can’t really judge a book by its cover.

If I were to define myself, none of these would make the cut. Why? Because I’m different everyday. The description I would give myself is fluid. For those that know me, I don’t like labels because that would confine me to feeling a specific way. Yes, I experience emotions, and I go through them on a daily basis, but my sadness of today is not the same as tomorrows. The way I could be distant today, would not be the same as yesterdays. And yes, that’s what you observe from me and according to the wonderful context of linguistics that need I remind you, MAN CREATED, it would make perfect sense to simply describe someone as such. But what makes me a fluid being, is my refusal to feel the same everyday and instead, I’m a whole new me the next day where I might not be perfect compare to yesterday, but hell I’m standing stronger than ever.

This probably doesn’t make sense and thats okay, it doesn’t have to, life doesn’t even really make sense if you think about it (we study so hard to work a 8am to 5pm job all our lives to pay bills and so forth but wheres the living? the adventure? the rawness of what’s truly on our heart?). But in this way, in this senseless emotional roller coaster of a life I’ve come to love even my darkest moments. I wouldn’t trade my depression for the world because then I wouldn’t have known what its like to draw strength out of the inexhaustible variety of life. Sometimes we need to leave things senseless as it should be. We weren’t created to make sense out of Gods creations.

Now like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I’m not here to preach on you how to live or to force you too see me how I see myself. I try to be the me you see on social media but I’m not the same post from last week, hell not even from yesterday so I guess to some extend I would be considered as misleading when in fact im being true to my most authentic self. So what I am here to do, is to express the beauty of EVERYTHING LIFE HAS GIVEN US. and yes, even the diseases both psychically and mentally. God is so mysterious and powerful that he hides the beauty of life in our darkest moments. He doesn’t expect us to commit to these labels society created when yes it helps create order, but it’s stunting our growth he has planned for us. Express yourself to the point where words just keep flowing, hell even if it doesn’t make sense, keep going. You’re one out of eight billion people in this world, find the pleasure in being the outlier!